Home away from Home for the Holidays

Another holiday season spent in France, and I just miss my family so much :')

The real star for the tree is at the bottom.

A year and a half ago, I moved to France for school. When the holiday season arrived last year, my family and I decided it would be best if I came during the beginning of summer due to economical affairs at the time. Then, COVID-19 decided to make its rounds in Europe and came to France the week after it hit Italy's Lombardy region.

During the entirety of 2020, it became riskier to think about traveling to the US. When COVID finally started to become more serious in the US, the EU decided to ban all Americans for a while which took a hit on the EU tourism industry since many Americans dream of picnics by the Seine, gelato for dessert every night, and swimming in the Mediterranean. Though summer showed a short improvement in cases all over Europe, it got worse in the US. I wasn't sure if I would be allowed back into France that easily as an American even with my visa.

I spent summer working on my internship, and hit the ground running into the 2nd year of my Master's. Originally, I had planned to go home for the holidays; as time went on though, Europe began to see an expected rise in cases in correlation with the colder months. The experience of the pandemic in Europe contrasts to the experience in the US. Other than perspective behavioural influence. the US is a larger country divided by even larger states in some cases. Thus the amount of space for social distancing is arguably better despite still ranking #1 in COVID cases worldwide. (In Paris, those petit, aesthetic European sidewalks are not COVID friendly which could explain the struggle to social distance here at times).

I would watch the stories and social media posts of my friends and acquaintances back home, some of them traveling on road trips or attending social events without needing to wear masks. Meanwhile, in France it's been mandatory to wear a mask in public outdoors since the end of summer. We even had a re-confinement in November where we couldn't walk out and about without an attestation declaring why we were going outside (technically we still need to do this until the 15th of December). That isn't to say, no one in the US is taking this seriously. Not at all. I know a lot of my friends have adapted the "work from home" aesthetic and do respect the measures stated. To be fair, each state has its own regulations rather than a nationwide one, which adds variety to the social health aspect of Americans everywhere. (Also, during this second re-confinement, I have definitely seen an influx of people shopping for the holiday season, so the thought of "what confinement?" definitely ran through my head a few times when I venture outside).

The solidarity or lack of in some cases in following the protocol has certainly impacted the endurance of this pandemic as seen throughout various countries all over the world. With our world becoming so globalised, it is common for many of us to have family and friends in other countries.

Gift shopping in Rue Mouffetard.

"I won't get to see my daughter for all of 2020?" My mom's voice cries through one of our previous phone calls.

The reality of her statement made me feel my heart drop a bit.

Having a long distance relationship is hard no matter the type of relationship it is. Arranging weekly to bi-weekly calls, making sure to keep each other posted through texts, looking out for time zone differences, and trying not to be too tired to stay awake and listen to lectures about important life lessons from my dad. At the end of the day, it highlights effective communication to express our needs and listen (really listen) to the other person's needs too.

It makes me appreciate the gap year I took before moving here even more, because once I graduate, I know that I'm stepping into another part of my adult life and will likely have less time with my family than ever. It's just part of the growing-up process I suppose.

Every family dynamic is different, but there are aspects in family that we can all relate to. Shows like Modern Family or the concept of a work family in The Office, or when your friends become your family in Friends and How I Met Your Mother, all carry aspects of relatability to the audience. Family, regardless of biological or chosen, make us feel safe and loved. I think one of the safest feelings in the world for me is just falling asleep in the back of a car when one of my parents is driving to who-knows-where.

Holiday decorations in Westfield Forum des Halles.

Coming from a more traditional-leaning/immigrant cultural background, my parents have expectations of me that align with their beliefs. They constantly worry about me and even though they didn't stereotypically push me towards becoming a doctor or an engineer (so grateful for that), they prioritise financial stability and practicality when approaching life.

They love me so much that they sacrificed their comfort in order to give me a life better than they had, and I am eternally grateful for the life I live and the opportunities I have been given. Of course life isn't all roses and gumdrops (as it rarely ever is), and I think for everyone, 2020 has truly been a historical year.

My biggest takeaway in 2020 is how bad I can be at communication. I hurt people in my life just this year, because of my lack of communication skills. Not knowing how to confront someone sooner, not being able to give a thoughtful reply to a text in a timely manner, and not knowing how to say "that hurt me, because..." right when I felt it. Likewise, I was hurt from miscommunications just as much. New relationships and old ones are showing me how I can start saying how I feel and putting value in my needs rather than bottling it up and waiting for a "right time." It never comes, and with how spontaneous life can be, isn't it better to say it now then never even be able to tell them?

My people-pleasing tendencies are both a blessing and a curse, and it lets me become considerate at my best moments, but so lost in who I am when in my lowest. With communication being a foundational factor in relationships, I made small steps in working with communicating to my family about my hopes and dreams even if it doesn't align with their exact hopes and dreams for me.

The fact of the matter is, my parents just want what's best for me, and actually, I want what's best for me too. I deserve that. It's just the matter of how? The methodology might not be the same, but the outcomes can be.

Oh summer :') You were robbed from us this year, but next year we'll have you.

I think what can be fun and challenging at the same time in intercultural relations is the aspect of "what culturally might have influenced them to say and do the things they do?" Rarely do people intentionally say or do something to hurt those they care about. If anything, it's sometimes deciphering what the other person is really saying between their words. If only we could all be so direct and point blank about it all, but sometimes having some sensitivity to how we "lay it out" can ease our tiny, human ego.

My parents and I really come from two different cultures, and while on the phone with my brother he couldn't help but comment "Mummy and Papa only see the sides of you they want to see." That is fair to argue as all of us exist differently in the minds of those around us.

I'm their only daughter, and they were always there for me during my lowest and highest moments. When I was depressed in high school, when I had surgery for my torn ACL, when I was in the hospital after my final semester in college, when I graduated, and when I moved to France. They've been direct in what they would advise me to do, but they support me even when I decide to do something different. They continue to support me even if they aren't always 100% on board with my notions. They might still Simi as naive and insecure, and to be fair my previous actions have definitely reiterated that; however, by succeeding in my endeavours and communicating with actions along with my words I know and hope I can help assuage their worries about my future.

I want to do so much for them once I really am standing on my own two feet. Once I graduate and get a big girl job, I want to help them live an easier life. Because of them and so many others who helped me along the way, I am even able to live in the city of my dreams :')

My parents aren't perfect, and they love me in the only way they know how. I too am going to show them I love them back in my own (and healthy!) ways. I want my parents in my life, and I want to keep growing our relationship through better communication practices. I'm not going to get there immediately as I notice sometimes I overextend myself in social connections and forget to reply... but I can still try a bit more little by little.

Thankfully, a global pandemic coming when it did, came during a time of technology. We have WiFi, WhatsApp, FaceTime, ZOOM, and other forms of Social Media; our decade is turning to look at more teleworking opportunities. We've globalised, and in someways, this pandemic transpired exponentially due to the globalisation of our world. No matter where we end up in this world, we'll find ways to stay in touch with the one's we want to keep in our lives.

This year, I am nostalgic for going to the grocery store with my mom (oh HEB!), seeing my dad watch the news in the living room, and laughing at something dumb yet hilarious my brother said. I won't get to be with them for Christmas in person, but we'll call on WhatsApp for sure. I get to be in France again for the holiday season, and I am grateful for it! I am surrounded by wonderful people in my life, and I feel reassured that my parents are safe during this pandemic too.

My friend's boyfriend wearing the mask of the season!

Thanks for reading and hope my writing wasn't too rusty! It's been forever since I had felt inspired/prioritised time for creativity.

Stay safe and happy holidays, y'all!

Sincerely,

Simi