Be Brave

Hi, I'm afraid of being hurt... again.

I just used this photo, so it would look artsy. It's me in 2016, blowing bubbles because why not?

Who isn't a little afraid of vulnerability and intimacy in relationships? It's scary.

The first guy I ever had a relationship with broke my heart when he was telling me how much he liked me before ending it a few days later.

At the time, I was so confused. I didn't understand how someone could shut off their feelings for someone just like that. It made me insecure, because I took the rejection personally. Plus, I'm someone that will grieve the end of a relationship for a while. That's just me, and that's okay.

He was my best friend in a way at the time, and now I can look back happy that we didn't work out.

While I was journaling, something that I had known for a while finally clicked. Feelings are fickle.

A day will be filled with various emotions. You can start off tired and moody, then something good happens and you're suddenly happier. Or vice versa. You can always love someone but not always like them.

That's just it. When I think about relationships, and what it means to love. I think love is a skill we all can work on. To love ourselves, to love life, to love our family and friends, to love what we do with our talents, etc. Love is a skill, and it's okay that we're not good at it at first.

Now, I never loved my first almost boyfriend romantically, but I did learn so much from the experience. I learned what I didn't want in a guy I dated, I learned that I was very immature too, and I learned that anything can be taken away in a blink of an eye. Which is why, for however long someone is in my life, I want to enjoy that time.

I was with a friend a few weeks ago, and he said the most bizarre statement: "I love the feeling of being hurt. It makes me feel so alive."

I stared at him confused. Was he sadistic or something? Haha just kidding. We discussed the topic of course and agreed that experiences in general are good to have. Bad experiences help us to appreciate the good times more, and the good ones are just good if not great. And the neutral ones are the nostalgia we will feel randomly. I suppose, it is better to feel something than to be apathetic about life all together. To feel is to be human and to be alive.

The answer that gave me peace as to why he got over me so quickly was that feelings are fickle. They change. And honestly, he had more experience than I did, so he knew what he was looking for more than I did. He knew before I did, that we were not a good match. I was just happy that someone I liked liked me too.

Since then, I've taken a chance on relationships and dating again. I have funny stories, I have more wisdom, and I certainly have my fair share of emotions from each experience. I have a healthier view on relationships too now while still holding true to my romantic self. I wouldn't say I am a hopeless romantic, just simply a romantic.

She is goals.

A character I really am inspired by is Donna from Mamma Mia! (Great movie by the way, everyone should watch it. You'll want to move to Greece and start your own hotel too).

Her character embodies, youthfulness and this excitement about life that I hope I will always have too. She leaves home after college, falls in love three times, definitely gets heartbroken, manages to run a successful hotel, raises a daughter alone, and lives her best life all in the process. And, she moved to a whole new country to do this.

Life is a cycle of ups and downs, like a wheel. When you're low, you will eventually go up, and while you're up, enjoy it. That doesn't mean the hard times will be the most devastating thing ever, because the beauty of neuroplasticity (I have to utilize my bachelor's degree okay) is that our neurons will make new synapses (connections) in how to handle life situations.The beauty of the human mind is that we can be adaptable. It's how we survived all these years. If we already knew how to do everything, there would be no fun in learning.

It's okay to make stupid decisions even with the repercussions, because we learn. We live. We have social support from the people who matter. We're okay! And not every decision turns out badly, sometimes opportunities and new connections occur! We can never lose. We will always win, because we will gain something and probably give something too. It's about perspective.

For me right now, I'm going to take the chances. I'm falling in love!

With me, as I become someone I really really like (I mean I'm stuck with me for the rest of my life so...). I am understanding the core person that I am, so that I can best work with myself. It's a process, and I really like to laugh at myself when I do mess up. It's comical. I live a romcom life.

I wrote this, because I was afraid of my own feelings.

To my friends still soothing a broken heart. Take the time you need. Say yes to more experiences. Be a DANCING QUEEN like Donna. You're not alone. Have faith in the future Remember, feelings are fickle, so that means your feelings will change in time too. Take time for you and date yourself.

In the words of Rafael Solano a.k.a. Justin Baldoni in Jane the Virgin, "Be brave." Life is too short to live in fear. Are we truly living if we are afraid all the time?

XOXO,

Simi ;)